phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
