then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
