I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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