I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
