Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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