You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
