All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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