We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
