Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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