I looked at my own cervix.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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