if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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