Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I need moral support for this bender
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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