I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
