I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
