"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We are two peas in an std pod
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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