apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
