you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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