Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
