Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is my gift to your gina
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
