Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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