You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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