I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
