I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
