we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
