I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
