i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
