So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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