my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
