Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
