I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
