I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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