Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
