I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
