Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
