He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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