every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
