I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
