Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
