Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
