this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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