My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
