I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
3 2 1 whiskey
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
