I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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