Just cropdusted the office
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
