Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
