So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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