tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
