the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
