I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
