i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize