Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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