Your dad touched me again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
