The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
