I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
please come you make the beer taste better
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
