we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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