with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
