I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think I won the penis lottery.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
