I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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