'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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