I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
