Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
