I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
