Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
