We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
And then he peed in my hair
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