I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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