ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
