i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
this is an emotional support booty call
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
