sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
