did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
